That Former Place of Faith.
Any of you that are regular readers, or who know me from other places in the real world or on the web, know that I ama seeker. .. one who is questioning the nature of God, religion, etc. I refer to myself as a "skeptic", which may be accurate, but I think that "Seeker" is a more appropriate term.
One of the things that I try to do on a regular basis, is to take inventory about where I am and how I got here. . .at this time, I am particularly looking at religion, and where I have been in the past. I have done an enormous amount of study, and with each question I ask, I find, not answers, but MORE questions. My parting with the church of Christ was not an amicable one, and while my behaviors and the nature of my departure cause a significant amount of alienation, it is the QUESTIONS that were at the heart of my "loss of faith".
Lately, as alot of the anger and pain directed towards the c of C has been receding, as the resentment that I once held towards that particular group is giving way to tolerance and acceptance of them as individuals, I am still left with the questions. . .the questions regarding the bible, the church, Jesus, and God that have not gone away. Where do I go to get these answered? Many of my former mentors, who are still faithful adherents, fail to return my correspondences. Most of the christians that I come in contact with on the web are fragile enough in their faith that they can't even entertain my questions and percieve them as attacks on their way of believing. Many other friends, both on and off the web, share my questions, and are unable to direct me to a place of faith.
I have been told by many, that faith is simply a leap that one has to take. A decision that one makes to believe without proof. I can certainly accept that, but what I am troubled with, is how does one return to that former place of faith, after the questions are already OUT there? Once the Pandora's Box of critical thinking is opened, it seems impossibile to put all of those questions away.
Where are my former mentors? Where are the Scholars, Elders, Teachers, and Preachers who once took so much time and care, lovingly guiding me? Who can help me to answer these questions? WHo can help me to understand how these educated and honest men reconcile these questions for themselves?
Who can help me to understand if I can ever return to that fomer place of Faith?
One of the things that I try to do on a regular basis, is to take inventory about where I am and how I got here. . .at this time, I am particularly looking at religion, and where I have been in the past. I have done an enormous amount of study, and with each question I ask, I find, not answers, but MORE questions. My parting with the church of Christ was not an amicable one, and while my behaviors and the nature of my departure cause a significant amount of alienation, it is the QUESTIONS that were at the heart of my "loss of faith".
Lately, as alot of the anger and pain directed towards the c of C has been receding, as the resentment that I once held towards that particular group is giving way to tolerance and acceptance of them as individuals, I am still left with the questions. . .the questions regarding the bible, the church, Jesus, and God that have not gone away. Where do I go to get these answered? Many of my former mentors, who are still faithful adherents, fail to return my correspondences. Most of the christians that I come in contact with on the web are fragile enough in their faith that they can't even entertain my questions and percieve them as attacks on their way of believing. Many other friends, both on and off the web, share my questions, and are unable to direct me to a place of faith.
I have been told by many, that faith is simply a leap that one has to take. A decision that one makes to believe without proof. I can certainly accept that, but what I am troubled with, is how does one return to that former place of faith, after the questions are already OUT there? Once the Pandora's Box of critical thinking is opened, it seems impossibile to put all of those questions away.
Where are my former mentors? Where are the Scholars, Elders, Teachers, and Preachers who once took so much time and care, lovingly guiding me? Who can help me to answer these questions? WHo can help me to understand how these educated and honest men reconcile these questions for themselves?
Who can help me to understand if I can ever return to that fomer place of Faith?
posted by Thomas J. at 6/23/2006 10:00:00 AM
4 Comments:
I think they all suffer from fear.
It doesn't really seem to make a difference if you're asking questions they can't answer, or if you just can't digest the response, or if you are literally not intelligent enough to look at the deeper proofs. The fact that you are not buying in scares them.
I think it's because everyone who practices a faith harbors doubt. Particularly in Christianity, there's a lot that just doesn't make sense.
If God is protecting us, why did x happen? Is getting divorced really as bad as murdering someone? Am I really a bad person if I don't want to love the person that harms me? Am I really supposed to be able to look at the face of my child's killer and forgive them, just like that? I'm a decent person - why do I need saving?
Yes, they have seminary-stock answers for that sort of thing, but down deep, it just doesn't make sense. And when you start asking people to probe that, they get nervous.
I think when you start asking genuine questions about faith - whether it's something intellectual like transmission of scriptures or as simple as "why did daddy have to die" - you suddenly realize you are standing at the edge of a very deep pool, and you can't see bottom or shore.
People like you and I have to know, and so we jump in. Most people look in that dark abyss and have to back away. Even if they're elders, priests or philosophers. Because there's nothing academic about questioning your core values.
I don't think it's wise of us to look to the priests, the elders, the professors or the scientists, because they all have an agenda to maintain status quo. I think it's best to look to other people like ourselves to see what they're finding out.
Faith cannot be paid for, or given to you by someone else.... it is something that you find within your self. My experience is that when I truly sought God... when I asked Him to open my eyes, ears and heart, He did exactly that. Thomas, you wont ever figure it all out, we werent meant to understand it all... seek Him... and you will find Him.
Hey Thomas
You know we both shared in the pain of a long cofc experience. No need to go into that now, but at the other end I've come out the other end still clutching at the threads of my faith.
I don't think I can say anything better than anyone else, but I'd really like you to read Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson. Let me know if you get around to it, really like to talk it over with you.
Regards
Leo
we spoke about this the other day... and i didn't think to tell you this until now, but i have gone through this long period - about 4 years, actually, where the questions seemed insurmountable and i felt as if i needed somebody... ANYbody... to help me answer them, that somehow the answers were beyond me.
i'm not sure what the turning point was, and i definitely don't have all of the answers... but i'm beginning to find some of them... and they are not beyond me... i'm finding them within me.
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