Random thoughts. ..volume one

Fresh Coffee is good. . .am I the only one who ever noticed that old coffee tastes like pencil shavings?

My little boy has an new imaginary friend named "Cookie" Do you remember your imaginary friend from childhood? Is it indeed imaginary, or is it possible that as small children we are able to see things in ways that we cannot as adults?

I am madder than a wet hen that "Joan of Arcadia" was cancelled. I liked that show.

I participated in a telephone survey today on television viewing habits and preferences. I made a point to share my thoughts about "Joan of Arcadia".

My cat has not come home since tuesday. I am choosing to believe that he has been scared off by some stray dogs and has found a nice family that is taking care of him. Much nicer than any of the other possibilities.

The kids had a bath with LOTS of Bubbles tonight.

The Halloween costumes are almost finished!

I love my family. I love my friends.

Anonymous Attacks. . .The Epitome of Cowardice

I have, since the launch of the website, recieved a number of nasty posts/emails from people who have negative things to say about me or my ideas. . .These messages, without fail, have been written by folks who refuse to identify themselves.

I find it curious that these people think that I am supposed to be hurt or offended. I think the last thing in the world that I am going to do is to get upset at the small minded comments by people who are too cowardly to even sign their own names.

So, if you REALLY have something valuable to say, let's start with the introductions and go on from there.

HealingHQ.com

I wanted to take a second to thank Aram Brazillian and the folks at HealingHQ.com for their feature of "The Spirit Tree" under the music section of their website. After some correspondence with Aram, we agreed that much of my music would be appropriate for their website.

HealingHQ is a website devoted to healing and recovery issues. They are great people providing a great service. When you get a chance, stroll over to their website anc check it out!

www.healinghq.com

Grace.

In religious circles, there always seems to be some discussion about grace. "God's Grace" or "Saved by Grace", etc. When this discussion is taking place, it is usually talking about salvation from Hell. . .the forgiveness of one's sin and the redemption of a soul from damnation to a home in heaven after death. This is all a nice idea and it gives a lot of people hope. The skeptic in me, however, acknowledges that the same people who are promoting this idea of "Grace" are the same people who are propagating the idea of damnation in the first place. I am not saying that Grace is NOT about the afterlife. I am just saying that I recognize the tendency for leaders to use fear and propaganda to keep people under control.

I have been thinking more about "Grace" as it applies to the INDIVIDUAL life. In otherwords, what grace has been shown to us as individuals, in order to turn our lives into something good and positive rather than from despair and want. I know that in my OWN life, the recovery from a life of fear and shame to a life of love and validation have been essential. I look at those that are my friends. . .Those that I love, who have stood or fallen based on some unknown factor, something that is not quantifiable but has made a difference all the same.

The arrogance in me at times wants to attribute that to my own strength of will. To say that it was MY resolve or cleverness or intelligence that has pulled me through the darkness into a place that is good. I think that is off the mark. There are people who are far smarter and stronger than I who have spiraled downward into loss and despair. I think that the transformation in my life (and the lives of others) is to significant to just chalk up to me "making the right choices".

That leaves it in the hands of chance, or grace. One or the other. Yes, it COULD be just dumb luck that turns around lives and makes good things happen. I seem to think not though.

I think it IS grace. . .it is something else that is guiding me. . .teaching me. . .strengthening me. It is grace that transforms. . .maybe for "eternal salvation" (whatever THAT really is) or maybe just to live a full, rich life.

Whatever it is I am thankful for it and I give the glory to the source of that grace.

The Rest of the Story. . .the GOOD news.

Those who know me know that I have a less than high opinion of the political motivations behind the current American military involvement in the middle east. I do, however, have nothing but positive regard for the men and women who are serving overseas.

My good friend, Capt. David Gann is currenly in Afghanistan with the 82nd Airborne. He is a Physician's Assistant for the Airborne Rangers. He is a good guy and a fine caring person.

His wife sent me a link to a photo series of a medical relief tour that he participated in with many of the Afghan people. I thought it would be good to honor him and his colleagues here.

Thanks Dave! I appreciate you and what you do!!

An Absence of Boundaries.

"Did you hear about. . .That is so sad."

At the dropping of a name by a new acquaintance, I Googled a former classmate from once upon a time. I had NOT heard about him, but a quick internet search gave me about half a dozen news items of the youth minister/social worker who was arrested, and subsequently plead guilty to multiple counts of Sexual abuse of a minor.

It is sad. It is sad that someone is victimized, that someone will have to spend time, maybe even the rest of their life, recovering from sexual victimization. It is sad that this young lady (age has NOT been released to the public) will have to deal with the things that she will have to deal with.

But I have to be honest with you. . .it is sad in a number of OTHER regards as well. This perpetrator, at least to MY memory, was a talented actor and singer, a vibrant personality, and a very intelligent man. Even though he and I were not close (we were, in fact, rivals in many areas), there was alot about him that was admirable. When I heard the news, I was not shocked. . .not really even suprised. . .for all that was good and admirable about this guy, he had TERRIBLE boundary issues. . .he had incredible difficulty being able to discern what was appropriate from what was inappropriate.

Maybe I am giving this guy too much benefit of the doubt. . .he did a terrible thing which is inexcusable. . .I know that and that is enough. . .but at the same time I also remember that I have been in situations myself that have skirted the lines and crossed boundaries. . .Thankfully I avoided making the same mistakes that this man did, but it is as much because of luck or grace as it was my ability to maintain boundaries. I am SO thankful that I understand better now.

Boundaries are difficult things to manage. . .especially when one has been hurt, or abused. Again, this is NOT to excuse anyones behavior, but it seems that alot of times the line between right and wrong becomes blurred when the line between "I need" and "I want" is unclear as well.

The reasons for all of this, who knows. I know that this man has poor boundaries. I know that ALL abusers do. I know that the inability to differentiate between wants and needs are at the root of most of the ills in our culture. This man is not alone in his crimes, and I DON'T just mean his sexual perpetration. Our entire culture is rooted in the idea that people should be able to gratify themselves at the expense of others. It permeates our religion, our politics, our media, our entertainment. Until people find a TRUE source of grace and happiness, the cycle will continue.

A Work in Progress. . .My Dance with Arrogance

I got to thinking this evening about some nasty accusations that were hurled at me in the recent past. The comments that were made were made by an individual with the obvious intention of doing nothing more than being hurtful, and it would be very easy to just dismiss them outright, but I think that it is a valuable thing to consistently evaluate oneself (self-deception and denial are such easy traps for us humans to fall into).

This individual accused me of being arrogant. This is charge that is hard to either validate or refute, as it is highly subjective. . .in one sense, the fact that I feel VERY good about who I am and what I do, would, in many people's minds, make me a very arrogant person. I think I am an awesome person with awesome ideas and I do awesome things. If pride equals arrogance, then I am guilty as charged.

I do, however, think that there is another element to the idea of "arrogance". I think that true arrogance is not rooted in one's appreciation of oneself, but in the need to diminish others and to make OTHER people look bad in order to make oneself look good. I certainly know that I have been guilty of that in the past. . .and, I am forced to admit, that I struggle with that at times now.

The circumstance in question is related to some comments that I made about a former acquaintance, Mark Crawford. . .Mark and I were in times past "less than friends", but in retrospect, I recognize that while we had certain differences of opinion regarding music, people, etc; on the whole he is a decent person, just trying to make sense out of the world like everyone else. Even though there may be things that he said or did in the past that I personally thought were less than admirable, I also need to keep in mind that I have too. God forbid that I should be judged based on the ways that I handled myself 10 or 15 years ago. I hope that if Mark has the opportunity to read this, he will know that I have nothing but good thoughts for him.

I think that may be the key, though. I KNOW what a turd I tend to be sometimes. I make no bones about that fact. I fall flat on my face more times than I care to think. I hope to be judged, not by my individual successes and failures, but by the overall road that I try to travel down.

If I am guilty of anything, it is not arrogance, but it is an occasional bout of hypocrisy, in that I sometimes fail to afford that same charity to others... judging them on one or two isolated incidents rather than trying to understand the whole of their character. Lord willing I will continue to be aware of this and work on it in my life.