Double Trouble. . .OOPS, no. . .TRIPLE THREAT!!!

These hooligans are the funniest thing I have seen. . .they are as sweet as sugar, but as rotten as the day is long. . .if it were not for my sweet Drew, being around to help me on the weekends, i am not sure WHAT I would do!!!

How are one old man and one fine thirteen year old boy supposed to keep up with these people? I mean, LOOK at those FACES!!! Are they not the Honeriest thing you have EVER seen?

I say again, as I have said before, i have GOT to be the LUCKIEST guy in the whole wide world!!!

Back to my REAL job!!!

As most of you know, Kimberly has been on maternity leave since the beginning of November, and as a result, I returned to the workforce, waiting tables at a local restaraunt to supplement our income from her short term disability. It has been interesting, as I have been, with the exception of a few weeks at the beginning of last year, been a Full-time, Stay at Home Dad for the past 2 1/2 years. I have discovered that this is my best calling. . .and that my many professions of Social Worker, Counselor, Restaraunt Manager, Salesperson, and Factory worker have all blended together to make me best suited for this job, where I have the responsibility to solve problems, listen, clean and direct cleanup, persuade and convince, and do repetetive functions/stand on my feet/and work with my muscles for 8 hours a day. It is amazing how suited FOR this job i tend to be.

Well, now I am back at it, and couldn't be happier. . .the house has recieved its initial, perfunctory clean (the detailed deep cleaning will happen on a room by room basis within the next week or so) The kids are already getting back into a routine (although, Sofia and I are still experimenting with what will work best for us, particularly in the evenings), and we have done more cleaning, coloring, pottying, and playing together than i think we have in a long time.

Dinner last night, in honor of Kimberly's return to work was her favorite: eggplant parmesan, and in future days we are looking at marinated cubed steak, turkey nachos with home made salsa and guacamole, and then we have a beautiful pork loin that will be in the slow cooker all day on sunday. . .i expect that by dinner time it will be so tender that it will fall apart if you talk to it with a stern voice.

I don't say all this to boast (well, maybe to boast a LITTLE), but to simply point out that sometimes it takes a while for us to get where we want to be. . .My dear departed Mother, God rest her soul, used to say to me, as I was cycling through my numerous professions, that I would find my niche. . .she was so right. . .and I am so thankful for this beautiful home and family where I am able to use my best traits int he best way.

We have decided that I will continue at the restaraunt for a couple fo days a week. . .i am going to accept the promotion to certified trainer that they offered me a few weeks ago and stay on indefinately. . .it will be nice to have the opportunity to get out regularly, ave contact in the "grown up world" (i.e.: having other things to talk about other than elmo and coloring) and it will be PARTICULARLY nice to have the little bit of extra cash to be able to "play" as a family a little more (i.e: being able to see movies in the theatre more often and getting an appetizer when we go out to eat).

All in all it is a great life. . .I am a little concerned for Kimberly, who is having the "leaving the baby at home for the first time" blues a little more acutely than normal (this IS, after all, the LAST baby). . .even though she is feeling the sting of leaving, i KNOW that it would be a slow drag intofrustration, stagnation, and stir-craziness for her of she were not going back. . .she is NOT the homebody of the family. . .I am SOOOOOOOO thankful for her dedication to this family as WELL as to her career. . .transitions are always hard, so please keep us in your good thoughts and prayers.

Love to all, more to come, pictures to be posted SOON!

Stand and Fall

My good friend Bill Reid posted this on his blog the other day:

It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that know neither victory nor defeat. -
Theodore Roosevelt

It occurs to me, that this is a theme that has been pervasive in my life the last 6 or so years. . .the idea that I will not fail to stand with courage, take risks, and live life on my own terms. The song that became the title track of my first album was called "Stand and Fall"

Stand and Fall

I have built a fire from the coldness of my heart. . .

I survived, I made it through
I learned to live with what was true
And I’m standing now with my hands held high
Or I’ll fall. . .
I’ll fall

I’ll fall in love with the world around me
Be just what I choose to be
I survived the winters cold
With the fire
Inside me

I have built a fire from the coldness of my heart
It took the winter’s cold for it to start
Now I’ll stand and fall on my own terms
What you say does not concern me
The gods above may touch my hand
The rest is up to me
To choose what will be
I’ll never sell my soul away
Now I am free. . .
I’m free. . .

Free to love or free to hate
I believe in hope but not in fate
And though I think a Hand may guide it all
It’s up to me if I stand or fall

Stand and Fall win or lose
For me to claim or blame I choose
To stand or fall is up to me. . .
To me. . .
To me!

I have built a fire from the coldness of my heart
It took the winter’s cold for it to start
Now I’ll stand and fall on my own terms
What you say does not concern me
The gods above may touch my hand
The rest is up to me
To choose what will be
I’ll never sell my soul away
Now I am free. . .
I’m free. . .

Free. . .
Free. . .

I lived the lies for many years
Now I stand and fall, embrace my fears
I’m not afraid to fail or win
The Fire within me
Won’t end. . .

This Fire will never end!

I have built a fire from the coldness of my heart
It took the winter’s cold for it to start
Now I’ll stand and fall on my own terms
What you say does not concern me
The gods above may touch my hand
The rest is up to me
To choose what will be
I’ll never sell my soul away
Now I am free. . .
I’m free. . .


The credo that I have come to live by, is that whatever God there is in heaven, He gives us our greatest blessing by giving us the wisdom and strength and to grow, learn, and change. I will NOT fear to try new things, I will NOT cower with insecurity for what might happen. I will take risks, I will not be afraid to try, even if I fail. I will not live my life with regret for the times i have fallen, nor will I allow myself to be paralyzed by regret or guilt.

I say all this, as I am helping a friend thru a new chapter in her life. . .she is divorcing, having recently left a rigid, fundamental religious group (sound familiar?) and is trying to redefine her life in strong and courageous ways. I say this to all of you, friends and starngers alike. . .do not be afraid to define your life on your own terms. . .you may succeed, you may fail, but even in those failures, the seeds of renewal and wisdom are waiting to germinate, grow, and flourish.

A Red-Tailed Hawk

About a month ago, we started setting out birdseed in a pan for the neighborhood birds and squirrels. . .ever since our Cat ran away, in october, it seemed that it would be safe for us to attract small wildlife to eat, rather than to be eaten. It has been an enjoyable time and the kids remain VERY excited. . .we are starting to be able to distinguish the individual birds and squirrels by their size and markings.

Now, any ecologist knows that when you start a food chain with the bottom, there will eventually come something to sit at the top.

We pulled into the driveway this morning from an outing, and what should we see, but a medium sized red-tailed hawk (note: this is NOT a picture of the actual bird. . .he was spooked by the sound of the sliding door when I went out with the camera) He flew up into one of the branches of our trees and perched for about 10 minutes, while we got groceries, etc inside. I was pretty excited, but that is NOTHING compared to the delight and Joy of my Olivia, who has been fascinated by Birds of Prey for several months now. It was hard to get her to lay down for a rest, as she kept taling about "My Hawk" and wanted to see if he had come back, wondering where he was, and wondering if she could see him out her window. I assured her that he was off hunting somewhere else, because the songbirds had come back into the yard ("And the Squirrels?" Possum adds. "Yes, and the Squirrels, Possum". "And the Chipmunks?" "Yes, Possum, and the Chipmunks")

I personally love the songbirds and rodents. . .but I will admit, that I hope the hawk nests.

God, I hope he nests.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is a very special day for Kimberly and I, in that it is our Fifth wedding anniversary. We have gone to a lot of places and had many adventures in that time, and my heart tells me that they are just beginning. . .I also am glad that each day seems to end better than the last.

Our good friend Duane Cottrell is the minister who conducted our wedding on that cold day at a park in Durham NC. . .his charge to us was to make sure that THAT day was the WORST day of our marriage. He qualified that to say that we should strive to make each day better than the last. I think for the most part, we have succeeded in that.

Our wedding was informal, with little pomp and circumstance. That has been characteristic of our marriage so far. . .it's strength is not in sentimentalism or ceremony, but in the ordinary, simple joy of two people being each other's best friends. . .Kimberly IS indeed my favorite person to be with.

We will spend our day with that same attitude. . .just the simple joy of being together. . .enjoying each other's company and the company of this wonderful family. . .The kids will all go to bed a little early, and we will have a nice quiet dinner with a glass of fine wine at home.

Please think good thoughts for us and prayers and wishes of thanksgiving for this wonderful life that we have together and this wonderful day that is, indeed, better than the last!

A Day Off

Today is a day off. . .

Now, Don't get me wrong, I do not work seven days a week outside the home . . .i do not clock 75 hours a week (although at one time in my life I did). I do, however keep pretty busy, between four kids, a stir crazy wife, and my job.

Kimberly went out today with her best friend, Heather, taking Sofia with her. . .I am here with the Toddlers, Drew is in School. . .

It is supposed to get up to 70 today, There is a special on Rush on VH1 Classic, I was instructed by my wife to wait until she gets home to do laundry.

So, my day is going to be Rush, Coffee, playing with the Kids, Trike time, music time, relaxation. . .

CSI tonight, squirrels on the back porch eating birdseed that i set out for the birds, the brief challenge of a Bailey's stain on the carpet (The funny thing is that she hadn't even STARTED drinking it when it spilled)

Kids are playing with Toy animals, Rush is jamming on the TV. . .I am going to enjoy my little slice of heaven.

Jesus Christ Superstar

My Son, Drew, is rapidly becoming quite the Andrew Lloyd Webber Fan. . .WE bought him an anthology for Xmas. . .and some of the songs he became quite intrigued by were the songs from Jesus Christ Superstar. This propted us to go out and by THIS version on DVD. I had seen this version sometime ago, around 2001, and really enjoyed it, but I had not been able to REALLY watch it with more than a casual attentiveness. WE had "Movie Night" last night and watched the entire DVD, giving me a chance to really absorb the movie.

Now, I must admit, that I have not watched JCS in it's entirety since my days in the church of Christ (and that was the 1973 version with Ted Neely and Evonne Elliman), and so had not followed the story without the conservative religious filter. It was interesting to watch it now through the eyes of a skeptic. . .being one who, at least religiously, feels like I have more questions than answers. Take for example, the lyrics for the song "Superstar". . .at the climax of the film:

Every time I look at you
I don't understand
Why you let the things you did
Get so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd had it planned
Now why'd you choose such a backward time
And such a strange land?

If you'd come today
You could have reached the whole nation
Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know

Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think
About your friends at the top
Now who d'you think besides yourself
Was the pick of the crop?
Buddah was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Could Muhammmed move a mountain
Or was that just PR?
Did you mean to die like that?
Was that a mistake or
Did you know your messy death
Would be a record breaker?

Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now Only want to know
Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now I only want to know

Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?
Jesus Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

The song is sung by the character of Judas Iscariot, Jesus's betrayer, and the musical itself is the Passion as told from the veiwpoint of Judas. I have to admit, however, that Lyricist Tim Rice, using the voice of Judas, asks many questions that I find myself asking: "Who are you?" of Jesus. Having rejected the traditional fundamentalist theology I was raised with, I have come to look at the Bible critically. . .Without having the fundamental faith that the Christian relies on to fill in the holes that the Bible leaves, I am indeed left with MAY questions about Jesus. Was he indeed what he claimed to be? Was he a philosopher/prophet that was turned into an idol by his followers after his Death? Is he simply a mythological construct. . .a fictional character that has resulted from the culmination of pagan and jewish systems of faith?

Now before my Christian readers take issue. . .before the apologists get ahold of me and derail my entire point, let me say that I have read the internal and external sources that attest to the existance of Jesus as a historical figure. . .I have also read the criticisms of these sources, and for me, the jury is still out. . .I, a former student of the Bible and one with a fair understanding of textual criticism, remain unconvinced of the inerrency of the Bible OR the historical witnesses (many of which simply attest to REPORTS of Jesus or reports of the advent of Christianity. . .others remain suspect due to the fact that the records were primarily maintained by the Vatican for approximately a thousand years). Again, this is NOT an invitation to debate the inerrancy of the Bible or the extrascriptural texts. . .

I guess what struck me was Judas' Questions. . ."Who are you, what have you sacrificed?", "why did you pick such a backward time and such a strange land?" "Did you MEAN to die like that?" "Did you know that your messy death would be a record breaker?"

I think for me, the FACTS of it all remain irrelevant. . .unless some greater revelation comes along, I am going to continue to have more questions than answers. . .Acceptance of Jesus as the Son of God is, and always has been a matter of faith. . .faith that I apparently lack. I prefer to think of Jesus in the terms that my friend Jacki, a former member of the church of Christ who has been a Muslim for many years. Jacki said "Jesus took his hand and pointed to God. Christians worship the hand that pointed, rather than God that it pointed to. Look at the words of Jesus and you WILL see God."

I think I agree with that. . .whatever Jesus was, if the specifics of preserving all of the details and "proofs" was so important, he COULD have come at a time when the methods of preserving all of the thou shalts and thou shalt nots was not so higgledy-piggledy.

"Now, Don't you get me wrong". I have no disrespect for Christians that are living their faith. . .in fact I have nothing but honor and respect for them. . .It is simply that i have the questions. . .the questions will not go away. . .

Who are you, what have you sacrificed?