I have been spending an enormous amount of time over the past few days thinking about my VERY volitile divorce in the wake of my discussion with the "Masked Man" on several of the posts on this Blog. The conversations with friends and family that this dialogue has initiated, has been centered around the idea of healing and forgiveness.
It is no suprise to those who know me and know the story that there has been ALOT of anger, even hatred that has been on both sides of the fence in the war that resulted in our separation and divorce. The finger pointing, accusations, hostility, threats, slander, etc went in both directions, even as late as this past spring, which was when my last correspondence with the Harbisons in St. Louis took place.
I wonder though, how obsolete that is for both of us. We have BOTH prospered SO much since the divorce. The lives, the families, the marriages that we BOTH have are far better than ANYTHING we could have had together. Apparently, her husband is exactly what she needs. . .in GOOD ways, and I KNOW that Kimberly is exactly right for me.
I, for several years, damned her SO much for my separation from Bekah, and who knows, maybe I was justified for doing so. But lately, I have been trying to get a little bit more perspective. It seems that Bekah is more than blessed to be in a family that is cohesive and single minded (again, I am assuming by appearances), as well as a family that is able to focus on her talent and intelligence with a single minded parenting skill. God knows, Conni and I, being so different, NEVER could have done that.
I think the BIGGEST thing that has helped me to start to shift my paradigm regarding this is realizing that Conni and I were TOO different, from the start. I think that our marriage, had it been based on healthy perspective and good choices, NEVER would have happened. What she needed and what I needed were two totally different things. I am starting to be able to say that that "difference" is neither good nor bad. I hope she is as well.
I am hesitant to believe that the Harbison family and the Wilson family will EVER be friends. Maybe I am TOO skeptical. Maybe there IS enough grace and forgiveness that there could be some sort of peace. I know that I am starting (STARTING, mind you) to forgive. Conni has done, exactly what she needed to do, being who she is. Maybe I have too. The proof is in the pudding as My Mother always said. . .it appears that we have all come out better for what has happened.
I just hope, that forgiveness and healing is also something that is also being taught to Bekah. I by no means want to diminish the significance of her step father to her. . .nor do I seek to diminish his role as father, especially because by all appearances, she is doing nothing but prospering under his care. I think that it should behoove all of us to ignore the care that I provided her the first half of her life. Likewise, it should not be ignored that my blood runs through her veins as well as her mother's blood.
I think that my point is that I believe that healing and forgiveness CAN take place, but I also believe that it will NOT happen fully if we are NOT in some way working together on it.
I think that we have all grown and matured. It is time to forgive, to grow, to move on. We are not the same people that we were. I think that Kimberly said it best when she commented the other day that "Some people just aren't meant to be together". This is true of Conni and me. Again, this "greatest mistake" has been turned into nothing but good, and I can only attribute that to some sort of Divine Grace touching all of our lives. I can only hope that we ALL allow this Grace to guide us into greater healing and forgiveness.
