The Company of Men

One of the challenges that I face in my current "profession" as well as the past situations I have experienced, is that I have consistently ended up in professions that are primarily "female dominated" areas (such as social work and counseling). Even now, as a Stay at home Dad, I remain in an environment predominantly relegated to women, and the playgrounds and playgroups are almost exclusively populated by women and their children. In one sense, this is not a major problem, as I relate very well to women and am MUCH more able to find common ground in conversations with stay-at-home moms than I am working dads, AND i am currently in a relationship that is strong enough to make any of the expected "temptations" little more than laughable. (I often say "what could ANYBODY else give me that is better than what I have?").

This still leaves me in a difficult situation, in the sense that i still frequently crave the company of other men. I guess that this is an increased challenge in that many of the ways that I think, talk, and feel are VERY outside the realm of traditional gender roles, and that most men, especially in this geographical area, are still socialized to conform to those traditional roles. For example: There are three men approximately my same age that live in direct proximity to our house. One is an ex-marine motorcycle enthusiast, One is an elevator repair technichian and hunter/fisherman, the other is a part time fireman who owns his own business as a subcontractor. These men work on their own cars, they are avid sports fans, and they associate with other men who talk about things like 3rd Downs, 5-Speed transmissions, and 12-point Bucks. None of these are BAD things, not by a long shot, and I have no desire top diminish them their hobbies and interests, but it does present a challenge. Even my wife's best friends husband is more interested in cars, trucks and his own shipping business than anything else. It becomes a bit daunting to try to make friends and build relationships with other men.

Again, don't get me wrong. . .i do NOT seek to criticize these men that are what would traditionally be considered "manly-men". . .in fact, at times I am somewhat envious of them, as they are able to relate to other men on levels that consistently seem to elude me. I think that what I am longing for is to be able to build and maintain relationships with other men that are based around things like expressing ideas and feelings, to participate in activities that stimulate the mind and spirit, and to associate with individuals who not only are able to do these things, but also share a specifically male perspective. I understand that this is simply NOT how most men are raised, and that I am a bit of an anomoly, but it still presents me with a bit of a conundrum in that propriety prevents me from maintaining close relationships with most women aside from my wife (who IS by the way, a WONDERFUL friend and companion), but what appears to me to be a lack of depth in the socialization of the majority of men prevents me from building close relationships with them as well.

I am fortunate to have a number of these "bosom friends" that I HAVE been able to build close relationships with, but geographical and scheduling concerns make it difficult to spend as much time as I would like with them. . .i am VERY thankful for Rick, Ed, Derek, Joel, J.R., Bill, Duane, and Jody who continue to b e aprt of my life, i sure do wish you guys all lived down the street and we could get together for coffee once a week. . .any chance we could all move to the same place and all become stay at home dads together?