The Winkler Case-- The church of Christ, Divorce, and Murder.
Let me start by saying that being a BIG fan of personal responsibility, I am not one to lay blame for circumstances. I have learned, over time, that we all, as people, are ultimately responsible for the choices that we make and how we deal with the situations that we (as competent adults) get ourselves into.
Having said that, I thought that maybe it would be beneficial to examine one of the groups that the "blame" of the Matt Winkler murder has been laid upon: The church of Christ. It has been alleged, apparently on CNN, as well as a number of discussion boards that I have looked at, that it was the "cult-like nature" of the church of Christ, and the church's degradation of women that are ultimately responsible for the extreme measures that Mary Winkler took last week. I must admit, that having left that particular religious group, I can understand and accept to an extent where they are coming from on this. There are segments of that denomination that DO ascribe to a very derogatory view of women, and creates an environment where physical, sexual, and emotional abuse are able to flourish. I do not want to be misunderstood to be saying that I believe that misogyny is institutionalized in the group as a whole, but there are LARGE segments of the denomination that maintain a very misogynistic viewpoint.
I think that the greater harm is done, however, with the view of divorce that is taught in a significant number (I would risk saying MOST) of the congregations of the church of Christ. The c of C teaches, citing Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:1-12, Mark 10:1-12, and others to emphasize that the ONLY reason that a person can get divorced is that if their spouse has cheated on them. Many congregations fail to emphasize that the prohibition is not on divorce, but on remarriage. These passages are not viewed as directives within a cultural setting, but as universal absolutes, transcending all time.
As a result, Divorce is treated as sort of a "cardinal sin" within the churches of Christ. An individual who has been divorced for what they consider "unscriptural reasons" is doomed to a life of isolation and shame. They are expected to remain celibate and unmarried, or else face the committing a sin in the eyes of God. In many places, individuals converting TO the church of Christ, who have been divorced and then remarried prior to converting are encouraged to separate, and even to return to a prior spouse. Likewise, many individuals that I have known tell the story of church leaders encouraging a woman to return to an abusive spouse and "make the marriage work" because to leave him would be to sin. I can remember when I worked as a youth minister, the main question that was asked to me during the interview was whether or not my wife or I had ever been married and divorced before. The elders of that particular congregation had no questions about doctrine or theology. . .They did not want to know what I was going to be teaching or what sort of activities I had planned for the youth group. Their primary concern was that I had not been divorced and remarried. That was very telling to me. I could have been teaching any sort of crazy theology that I wanted to, but as long as I had not been divorced and remarried, it was all cool.
Along these same lines, I have heard a sermon illustration used on several occasions by several preachers in several congregations. In order to illustrate the importance of obeying "God's Will", the preacher will say something like this: "God hates divorce. My wife and I have been married for thirty years, and in all that time, we have never ONCE considered divorce. MURDER, yes, but DIVORCE, no." I don't think that is very funny considering the present circumstance of discussion. In fact, I think that it is reasonable to state that the church of Christ can be much more supportive to a murderer than it can a divorcee. Every time I have known of a member of the church of Christ who has been arrested, suspected, or convicted of Murder, There is an outpouring of support towards that individual. I remember Mark Harris, the son of one of the teachers at Freed-Hardeman University, a church of Christ university, who murdered a man over a drug debt. There were numerous preachers, elders, and church members who went to visit him in jail. . .Ministering him and trying to help him through his time of trouble. Apparently the same is true of Mary WInkler. CNN and MSNBC report a number of church members at Mary WInkler's preliminary hearing who were stating that they were there to give her 100% of their support.
Now, I don't wish to diminish the grace and godliness that is demonstrated in that action. But my 20+ years of experience within the church of Christ has NEVER seen this sort of outpouring of support towards a divorcee' who did not have "scriptural reasons" or was the "erring partner". I am not altogether sure that Mary WInkler would have received the kind of support that she is right now if she had filed for divorce.
So, am I saying that the church of Christ is to blame for the murder of Matt Winkler? No, absolutely not. Mary winkler has admitted to pulling the trigger. Her reasons for that are not made public at this time. Time will tell whether or not those reasons will be found to be justifiable in the eyes of the Law. I will let God make his own judgment.
I WILL say, that I think that this needs to be a wake up call to religious groups that create an environment that provides few options to certain members. When individuals are in situations where they have few options, they usually do extreme, and often dangerous things. One can attribute the teaching to the Bible, but the rigidity with which the teachings are applied is not. Likewise, the attitude of coldness and absolutism with which these precepts are applied can cause far more harm than good.
Having said that, I thought that maybe it would be beneficial to examine one of the groups that the "blame" of the Matt Winkler murder has been laid upon: The church of Christ. It has been alleged, apparently on CNN, as well as a number of discussion boards that I have looked at, that it was the "cult-like nature" of the church of Christ, and the church's degradation of women that are ultimately responsible for the extreme measures that Mary Winkler took last week. I must admit, that having left that particular religious group, I can understand and accept to an extent where they are coming from on this. There are segments of that denomination that DO ascribe to a very derogatory view of women, and creates an environment where physical, sexual, and emotional abuse are able to flourish. I do not want to be misunderstood to be saying that I believe that misogyny is institutionalized in the group as a whole, but there are LARGE segments of the denomination that maintain a very misogynistic viewpoint.
I think that the greater harm is done, however, with the view of divorce that is taught in a significant number (I would risk saying MOST) of the congregations of the church of Christ. The c of C teaches, citing Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:1-12, Mark 10:1-12, and others to emphasize that the ONLY reason that a person can get divorced is that if their spouse has cheated on them. Many congregations fail to emphasize that the prohibition is not on divorce, but on remarriage. These passages are not viewed as directives within a cultural setting, but as universal absolutes, transcending all time.
As a result, Divorce is treated as sort of a "cardinal sin" within the churches of Christ. An individual who has been divorced for what they consider "unscriptural reasons" is doomed to a life of isolation and shame. They are expected to remain celibate and unmarried, or else face the committing a sin in the eyes of God. In many places, individuals converting TO the church of Christ, who have been divorced and then remarried prior to converting are encouraged to separate, and even to return to a prior spouse. Likewise, many individuals that I have known tell the story of church leaders encouraging a woman to return to an abusive spouse and "make the marriage work" because to leave him would be to sin. I can remember when I worked as a youth minister, the main question that was asked to me during the interview was whether or not my wife or I had ever been married and divorced before. The elders of that particular congregation had no questions about doctrine or theology. . .They did not want to know what I was going to be teaching or what sort of activities I had planned for the youth group. Their primary concern was that I had not been divorced and remarried. That was very telling to me. I could have been teaching any sort of crazy theology that I wanted to, but as long as I had not been divorced and remarried, it was all cool.
Along these same lines, I have heard a sermon illustration used on several occasions by several preachers in several congregations. In order to illustrate the importance of obeying "God's Will", the preacher will say something like this: "God hates divorce. My wife and I have been married for thirty years, and in all that time, we have never ONCE considered divorce. MURDER, yes, but DIVORCE, no." I don't think that is very funny considering the present circumstance of discussion. In fact, I think that it is reasonable to state that the church of Christ can be much more supportive to a murderer than it can a divorcee. Every time I have known of a member of the church of Christ who has been arrested, suspected, or convicted of Murder, There is an outpouring of support towards that individual. I remember Mark Harris, the son of one of the teachers at Freed-Hardeman University, a church of Christ university, who murdered a man over a drug debt. There were numerous preachers, elders, and church members who went to visit him in jail. . .Ministering him and trying to help him through his time of trouble. Apparently the same is true of Mary WInkler. CNN and MSNBC report a number of church members at Mary WInkler's preliminary hearing who were stating that they were there to give her 100% of their support.
Now, I don't wish to diminish the grace and godliness that is demonstrated in that action. But my 20+ years of experience within the church of Christ has NEVER seen this sort of outpouring of support towards a divorcee' who did not have "scriptural reasons" or was the "erring partner". I am not altogether sure that Mary WInkler would have received the kind of support that she is right now if she had filed for divorce.
So, am I saying that the church of Christ is to blame for the murder of Matt Winkler? No, absolutely not. Mary winkler has admitted to pulling the trigger. Her reasons for that are not made public at this time. Time will tell whether or not those reasons will be found to be justifiable in the eyes of the Law. I will let God make his own judgment.
I WILL say, that I think that this needs to be a wake up call to religious groups that create an environment that provides few options to certain members. When individuals are in situations where they have few options, they usually do extreme, and often dangerous things. One can attribute the teaching to the Bible, but the rigidity with which the teachings are applied is not. Likewise, the attitude of coldness and absolutism with which these precepts are applied can cause far more harm than good.
posted by Thomas J. at 3/30/2006 02:16:00 PM
7 Comments:
Thomas, I've been writing about this on my blog, and I'm from a far more liberal perspective than you. But i want to thank you for your insight. Clearly the C of C is something this Methodist is not prepared to understand.
There will be things at my blog you may not agree with, but I assure you I respect faith. Indeed, I'm looking to add a conservative evangelical to our stable of bloggers. I am mightlily impressed with your work here (I've even read more on the site, and the short post about Drew was marvelous). I'm sending my readers here to get more insight into the Mary Winkler case. Heck, I'll be gone for the weekend and can't continue my commentary.
Again, great work. I'm at http://allspinzone.com
SpinD. . .
Thanks so much for your comments. . .i appreciate it alot. I spent some time reading your blog, and the allspin zone is saved in my faves. . .i will try to spend some more time there over the next couple of days, and if I think I can really ad anything to the discussion, I will be more than happy to chime in. We shall see. I tread likely in the realm of other people's politics and religion, as i find that people remain highly defensive of their paradigms. But look for me to chime in here and there, as i have WAY too much to say about the current stupidi. . .er. I mean POLICY that is coming out of the current administration. In addition, there is always the issue of all this damned laundry to fold and these Kids to chase around. . .Music to make, etc. Keep checking in, hopefully i will have something else good to say. Thaks for the kudos!! You keep up the good work!!
Thomas J.
SpinD directed me over here, and I'm glad for it ... I've been looking for a place with some perspective on CoC for some time now ... since way before Andrea Yates even, and I think I've found it. Thanks for this blog. You may very well help me understand myself a bit better, as an ex-CoCer, once removed, myself (my mom married a Baptist).
Thanks NW, glad you are here!!! I hope that I can add some perspective as to what your "heathen, apostate" (note my tounge is firmly planted in my cheek)Mother went through. Today it is not as bad as it once was, but I know from experience it can be a mess, if you are in the right place.
You might want to check out www.ex-churchofchrist.org. It is an excellent site with a couple fo boards. . .one for ex members to use as a support group and one that welcome sguests who wish to discuss issues surrounding the church of Christ.
If you would like to take a peek at what some of the more rabid conservative members of the churches of Christ are like, stroll over to www.concernedmembers.com, while a snapshot of the more liberal open-minded can be found at www.preachermike.com and www.wineskins.org Note that the latter was founded by Rubel Shelly who was on Nancy Grace the other night, and almost allowed to speak.
Again, thanks for coming in. . .many of the comments here will be just trifles. . .everything from pics of the kids to bread recipies to music lyrics, but hopefully one will be able to get something out of it.
Thomas J.
T- This is a good post. You are getting a lot of traffic here.... be careful please. You could very well have an influence on a lot of people. A lot of bad things happen in the C of C, just like everywhere else...keep in mind that there are good things that came from there too...please be sure to share the good with the bad.
I have been thinking a lot about this post. The title alone is enough for me to write a short book on. As I am able to condense my thoughts, I will post again.
Anon, you are right about being careful about the categorizing the c of C. The lack of central organization, and absence of a governing body DOES make it difficult to make definive statements about the group as a whole. I clarified this on a comment on the Allspin site:
"I think you are right in noting that the larger issue of the nature of the churches of Christ is what is really being brought to light by all of this. Let me note that when we are discussing the church of Christ in this context, we are actually discussing only a segment of that denomination. . .the more conservative, traditional, churches associated with the Bible belt. Since the church of Christ as a denomination lacks a central organization or governing body, you tend to see many different trends and personalities in the individual congregations. There are a number of segments within the church of Christ that are moving away from the hard-line, conservative, “only ones going to heaven” attitude, to become a “kindler gentler church of Christ”. Not soon enough for me, but at least there is movement."
AS s note, if you haven't read the Wikipedia article on the church of Christ, it is a good read. I found it to be very balanced and unbiased.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Church_of_Christ
Thanks for calling that to my attention.
This is a very interesting commentary. Being a Christian who goes to a Church of Christ church, and being female, this has enlightened me as to what others see about this particular denomination and how diverse each branch of the Church of Christ can be. My husband and I discussed your blog (in general and specifics) and we honestly have never heard of urgings of women to return to abusive situations or divorcees (after remarrying) to return to their former spouse. (I did read your understanding that not all congregations believe this.) I will say this. The church I go to does encourage allowing the men to be head of the household. Ephesians 5:22-33 is informative text, if read correctly and within context. (Correctly meaning in its entirety. I believe that is where many denominational issues come up. That and lack of an open mind.) The point, or at least my viewpoint, of this passage is that yes, wives are to be submissive to their husbands, BUT...husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves or better yet "as Christ loved the church."
That is a huge responsibility placed on the husbands' shoulders. To be head of the house is to accept responsibility of all that goes on within it. I don't know about you, but I honestly do not want that job. I guess that my whole point is a) husband and wife are partners, each carrying a responsibility that the other cannot, and therefore in my eyes, equal. And b) if each is holding up their end of the bargain, then there shouldn't be a problem.
In reference to "submission", this does not mean "to be walked on." This to me means, listen to your husband, respect your husband, love your husband. He (according to my interpretation of the scripture) will respect and love you.
So, in closing (this has turned into a sermon, sorry) my thinking is the variances in the Church of Christ ("degredation of women" and the men are superior thinking to regarding each other, husband and wife, as a beautiful blessing to one another and a mutual responsibility to each other) is most likely to varied interpretation, but also miscommunication between the Bible and the person reading, due to either not reading the scripture in context, or not being willing to open your mind to different interpretations. In the case of Mary Winkler, there was something going on with that situation, whether it be postpartum psychosis (I read that theory on another site) or a marital situation. If it were a marital situation, excluding any type of mental issues, the problem as it appears to me is an imbalance in the husband/wife relationship, lack of respect on one side or the other. Somewhere down the road, the ball was dropped. We may never know the exact truth.
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