The Winkler Case--The Pressure to Maintain Appearances.
For my final installment in my thoughts on the tragic death of Matt Winkler, I wanted to address another idea that this situation brings to mind. Someone recommended THIS article to me from charter.nt that I think touches on what I wanted to write about. This article talks about the pressure that minister's wives experience, with very few support systems.
While I do have concerns with the dynamics of fundamental christianity in this regard, and having lived in the community of Freed Hardeman University for 12 years, I certainly could see how much that atmosphere could lend itself to that sort of pressure, I think that the phenomenon is hardly limited to the families of ministers. The paradigm of the "Preacher's kid" is well known, but I think that the pressure to "maintain appearances" is, in itself, a dangerous and toxic dynamic. I believe that a case could be made that the same crazy making pressure is experienced by the spouses and children of politicians, socialites, educators, etc. Is it possible that it is this very dynamic that created the likes of Michael Jackson? What about our beloved President, who seems like he would be more comfortable selling car insurance than anything else ("Hi, I'm George. . .Could I interest you in the comprehensive coverage plan?"or "well, Mr. Sanders, It appears that you have had some difficulty with your driving record. . .That happens to us all, but I. . .I'm sure that we can work something out for you to keep your premiums reasonable").
I think the bottom line is that ANY environment that traps people into a situation where they are unable to express thoughts, ideas, and feelings freely is extremely dangerous. I certainly don;t think that it is vindicating in the case of murder. . .I do not think that it excuses this sort of crime, but I DO think, that plain and simple, when you try to make people into something other than they are, it creates the potential for depression, substance abuse, personality disorders, and violence. This pertains to professional career options, religious belief systems, traditional gender roles, sexual orientation, ANYTHING.
For the love of God, we should let the people that we love be who they are. Teach them how to embrace their individuality. Even in conservative religious environments, we should be able to do that. Even Christians should see that the significance of 1 Corinthians 12:14-26 can indeed pertain to this very thought. We are all given different gifts. . .Different personalities, different ways of thinking. If we try to make people into cookie cutter people, we essentially destroy who they are and make something that could indeed turn into a monster.
While I do have concerns with the dynamics of fundamental christianity in this regard, and having lived in the community of Freed Hardeman University for 12 years, I certainly could see how much that atmosphere could lend itself to that sort of pressure, I think that the phenomenon is hardly limited to the families of ministers. The paradigm of the "Preacher's kid" is well known, but I think that the pressure to "maintain appearances" is, in itself, a dangerous and toxic dynamic. I believe that a case could be made that the same crazy making pressure is experienced by the spouses and children of politicians, socialites, educators, etc. Is it possible that it is this very dynamic that created the likes of Michael Jackson? What about our beloved President, who seems like he would be more comfortable selling car insurance than anything else ("Hi, I'm George. . .Could I interest you in the comprehensive coverage plan?"or "well, Mr. Sanders, It appears that you have had some difficulty with your driving record. . .That happens to us all, but I. . .I'm sure that we can work something out for you to keep your premiums reasonable").
I think the bottom line is that ANY environment that traps people into a situation where they are unable to express thoughts, ideas, and feelings freely is extremely dangerous. I certainly don;t think that it is vindicating in the case of murder. . .I do not think that it excuses this sort of crime, but I DO think, that plain and simple, when you try to make people into something other than they are, it creates the potential for depression, substance abuse, personality disorders, and violence. This pertains to professional career options, religious belief systems, traditional gender roles, sexual orientation, ANYTHING.
For the love of God, we should let the people that we love be who they are. Teach them how to embrace their individuality. Even in conservative religious environments, we should be able to do that. Even Christians should see that the significance of 1 Corinthians 12:14-26 can indeed pertain to this very thought. We are all given different gifts. . .Different personalities, different ways of thinking. If we try to make people into cookie cutter people, we essentially destroy who they are and make something that could indeed turn into a monster.
posted by Thomas J. at 4/01/2006 08:31:00 PM
4 Comments:
Thomas, as someone raised in the COC and attended the affliated school for the area I agree with your last statement 100% let people be who they are...without condemnation.
Thanks, Anon.
I think I have noted before, but I think it would be interesting to compile a list of casualties. ..people who met e violent, or stress-related death during extended involvement with said university. As I was thinking about this yesterday, I was also thinking, that for the "layman", the person without experience with the sort of environemtn we are talking about, A good paralell would be the academic and social environment in the Film "The Dead Poets Society". Social and family pressures keep people from following their own ideas and dreams, voices of individuality are discouraged or extinguished, and the strength that one derives comes not from the institution, but from the relationships that one builds outside of the pervue of the institution.
Would anyone agree that this is a good assesment?
Romans 8:1
Thomas: Thanks (I think??!!??) for that link you gave me some time ago (I asked you about evangelical bloggers' discussions of the Winkler case)---wow, that site was a doozy. I don't know much about the CoC but I'm intrigued (and saddened) by the Winkler case & have wondered, just like you said in your recent posts, about *any* environment that boxes people in where they feel they have no options. I was reading on a crime blog about the Winkler case where several CoC members and ex-members have spoken up about their respective experiences. The ones who have had negative (sometimes horrific) experiences did not brush the entire Church of Christ denomination with their remarks, and didn't slander it. Yet the pro-CoC posters keep writing in and basicallly telling them to "stop posting." It's very annoying. Others (maybe the same people? I don't know; there are many comments on that blog) have told people to "stop posting" when they didn't like the speculation that Matthew might have done something terrible. The repressive, bossy tone of these posts fall right in line with so many attempts today to suppress people when they simply state something that isn't liked.
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